10 Tips to Avoid Ferry Puking

So over the last few months, I've become an expert at ferry puking. You all know that. Though I seem to be mostly through the pregnancy related sickness and ferry puking, I have some helpful tips for anyone faced with any sort of sea sickness situation.

But first, let me tell you something about barf bags.

This is your standard airline-type barf bag. Who ever thought that throwing up in a white bag was a good idea? One time I drank some blue gatorade prior to throwing up and well, you can picture the rest.

The bag below, found on the ferry to Lamma Island, is far superior. A black zip lock bag = brilliant! I now have a stash of these bags that I take with me on all modes of transportation. Because you just never know.

And now, 10 TIPS TO AVOID FERRY PUKING:

1. Do not rush to the ferry. Feeling stressed does not make for a happy tummy.

2. Have a snack or meal shortly before getting onboard. I suppose this seems counter-intuitive. But tummies don't take emptiness as a reason to not throw up. They will throw up even if there is nothing to throw. And food can help it feel settled. If you are quite sure you will throw up, your last meal should be pancakes. They come back up quite easily and the sweetness of the syrup makes it not entirely unpleasant.

3. Wait until the last minute to go on board. There is really no reason to subject yourself to unnecessary rocking. If you stand directly outside the gangplank and give the sailors (can the ferry men really be called sailors?) forlorn looks, you might get a sympathy glance or two. Sympathy is always good for sickness.

4. Take a burp-producing beverage on board with you. I doesn't matter what the beverage is, just whatever will make you burp. Some nice gas releases through your journey will keep your tummy happy.

5. Unbutton and unzip your pants. In other words, just relax and let it all hang out. A comfy tummy is a happy tummy and there is really no reason to increase tension and stress. Even if you think your pants are not tight, just unbutton them anyway, you'll feel better. And if you feel self-conscious about doing this with other people around, simply consider that those people will be watching you throw up in a few minutes. Feel no shame.

6. Have someone else attend to your 2-year-old. Or your 10-year-old, or your dog, or your talkative companion... whatever or whoever is with you, have nothing to do with them. They will simply increase your stress and movement and increase your chances of throwing up.

7. Stare out the window into the distance. You may be told to sit in the middle of the boat in order to decrease the movement you will feel. I only recommend doing this if you still have a direct view out of the window. I much prefer to sit by myself on the side of the ferry by the window, staring at an unmoving mountain. This ensure there are less people around you and you can focus on the happy, unmoving land that you are headed to.

8. Think in pictures, not in words. Really, don't think about anything. But since it is difficult to keep your mind completely blank, think in pictures. For example, do not try to write blog posts or emails in your mind while you are on the ferry. Do not think about words to songs even. Simply picture frames of happiness.

9. Do not stare at the phrase "Vomit Bag" on the vomit bag in front of you. This seems quite obvious, I realize. But when you are trying to just stare blankly and not think about anything, somehow your gaze will be drawn to that little phrase. And then guess what you think about? This is another advantage to the plain black bag pictured above.

10. Do not try to exit the ferry until there is a clear and direct path. You may be tempted to try and be first off the gangplank and onto dry land. But in order to accomplish that feat (in Hong Kong anyway), you will need to line up (well, crowd up) a good 5 minutes before the door is opened. You don't want to spend the final 5 minutes on the ferry standing in a crowd of people, trust me. Just sit quietly in your seat and wait until you can get from your seat to dry land as directly as possible.

BONUS TIP: Do not think that any of the above tips will work if you choose to spend multiple hours on a small 50-person charter boat. Even if you haven't thrown up on a ferry in a few months and even if you want to spend time with a potential new church family and even if it sounds like fun to take a charter boat to a remote beach to swim. You will throw up. Three times. But at least everyone will be lovingly sympathetic. And at least you also brought grandpa and grandma along so that there were more people to attend to your 2-year old. And at least your 2-year-old is super cute when relaxing on the beach.

Go Braves!